hais. i tout i wont be here again but.. here i am..

feeling very complicated now.
emo, lonely, sad, angry, blah blah blah..
i don't know.
maybe im numb?

hais. i wish to disappear.
i don wanna see anyone, do anything.
pls let me vanish into the thin air.
hais. what the hell..

what's wrong with me.?
feeling like jumping off and end everything now.
fullstop.

OMG.

i miss her, again. =(

i'm so so so stressed about this new school term.
so so so many projects to handle.
so so so many things have not been spoken.
so so so out-of-touched with everyone.
i'm so afraid.

there's nothing for me to do, even if i think very hard and ask everyone.

don do = remain in the current situation
do = risk, not advisable.

as i'm bothering myself with this school reopening issue, my house god have been very nice and gave me an answer.
: i had a dreamt and a lot number appeared, so my mum checked the "divine" book for me and the answer is so real and matching to what i've been thinking. the only thing that i can do now is

忍!

i'll have to endure, if the situation says so.

hmmmm.. i think it's not hard to keep quiet. i'll be a good student and group member with my ears and not mouth. =)

smile kelly. keep smiling!


oh, and another to talk about; thanks everyone!!!!

Thank you guys for having the thoughts of coming down to the funeral. Sorry if i didn't reply you all cause i feel that i'm only a grandchildren and that the area is limited. Let my uncles and auntys friends sits around better bah. but really appreciates all your thoughts. =)

Thanks guys, for the effort to drag me out of the house. i know i've been rejecting dates and meet-ups, but thanks for the effort. i came out eventually right? All thanks to your encouragements!!! i'm so touched when i hear you guys over the other side of the phone trying very hard to 'pyscho' me out. and when my mood is not there and you all understands, i really feel like hugging everyone of you for being so nice to me. cause i know, some wont ask you out again when you have reject them once. so, thanks so much ppl.!!

hearts you all so so so much and i'll be that old me again, soon. =)

(sometimes if i'm red with tears, it's because i think of him again. so, i appreciate and hopes you all wont hug me or touch me first, cause i don wish to cry in public. =) )

Happy holiday, really!! I love being free and easy. Simple and relax. But I'm poor, super broke!!! :( receive only $100 from gst offset is so little to contribute to anything. I need a new lappy and I wanna get myself a spec for school. I wanna go genting with girlfriends, celebrate sosososo many birthdays for loved ones. But where are both darn blue notes?!

I'm not sure whether Im right. But if u really block me from your photo album, then the only thing I can say is, Fuck you!! Knnccb!!!

i miss her, you, you, you, you and you now.
but, i'm staring at my phone blankly.

=(

i dont dare to ask ppl out,
i hate rejection. =(

i guess you, you you or you will never know that you've been missed by me.
cause my dignity, if that's the right word to use, haha, is kinda strong.
sorry to you you you and you for my lack of courage.

but to the other you you you and you, thanks for asking. =)

I don know how u guys will feel after watching dramas.. But for me, I'm those who is very into the movie. That y, after watching Bruce lee's legend, I'm so inspired to be someone of clear conscious. And now, after watching the last episode of 1 litre of tears, I'm inspired to be a useful person. I ( try ) won't waste my tears or time on immature friendship or whatever, trying hard to get them right. And yes, I gave up! Because I'm sure, friends are cool but family is the coolest. We may be happy with friends doing the latest or the most IN things, but what happen when we are sick? Is it the family's obligation to take care of you and foregone their own entertainment? No of course! So when I'm good, I just wanna spend time with those that I really loved. Who knows what will happen next. I just want to live with no regrets and a big big thank you to those who cares for me.

Today feels so relax. Though I know I should be doing sth, but I just choose to stone. Haha. Nvm, I can start chionging with my friends tomorrow too!! And yea, celebrated kk's birthday last Friday. Everything is fine, although there's alot of small issues, most of the time. Haha. And I'm really really glad that, I've found back a real true friend!! I guess we are just too similar already, that's y whenever there's disagreement, we choose to accept quietly but with doubts and questions in mind. And so, those doubts starts to block our vision and thinking, confusing us with the wrong idea of the other one. But but but, after that long, truthful talk on the tiny little bed, all doubts are gone. We apologised for each of our mistake of not trusting. Ahh, too much of emotions to comment, I think only we knows how that feel the best. And even today, I wake up smiling when I think of that night/morning. A friend 'lost' is never easy to be found. But I'm glad we had found each other again, and with those promises that we made, I will never want to lose you again. "if u know her, u will understand".