im not ah lian,

im just direct.

i miss you so much..
how many more days do i need to wait??

=(

how long is ur hair now?
dear dear are you becoming tanner?
have you slim down?
hais..
really miss you alot..
=((

hurry come back to me okays?
i love you dear dear..

out of the blue, i miss hammie sayang alot.. =(

sayang.. where are u now?
sorry i didn't know how to dispose your cold, harden body..

i love you..
i keep thinking of u, especially now..

how i wish i could feel you on my palm once again..
sayang..
take care of yourself ok..?
i can no longer be by your side..
but you'll always be on my mind, for you are my first pet..

hais.. i miss you so much..

"为 什 麽 嘴 硬 心 软 的 人 会 难 过

为 什 麽 对 你 舍 不 得 总 是 我

还 是 你 需 要 那 真 情 意

收 在 日 记 里"



hais...
i've lost a friend, just like that..
my heart aches alot..

i don know what to do or say now..
i really hate to experience such thing in such a sudden situation..
hais..

what can i do next?
i don wish to go to school..
i don know how to face .....

i'm very sad.. but she can simply laugh it off..
this may be a small matter to her, but it had cost me to lose my 8 years of friendship..
it's so heart wrenching..

this incident had occupied my mind most of the times during these few days..
i cannot simply pretend that it's all settled..
i cannot concentrate in lecture, let alone reading the text..
i've been pondering alot..
and i hate it so..

the fact is, i've lost a friend because of a misunderstanding..
how lame but yet, how true..

hais.. im mood less for anything now..
oh man, such a wonderful new year gift.. ZZZzzzz




i don wish to attend lesson tomolo, its not that i'm lazy, but my mind is not with me now..
hais.. hais... hais.. so painful

hi..

chalet booked.. but is not my dream type.. Zzz
the bigger the hope, the harder the fall..

hmmm.. gonna be happy..
must try to be..

no matter what, i still got a chalet for my 21st..
i must be happy..
my family is paying for me..
though it's not what i want.. ZZZ

this phrase " it's not what i want", keeps appearing in my mind..
this is bad, so bad..
i need a change in attitude..
ahhhhh...
but i cant..

i keep thinking if only she don interfere so much, den i'll be holding a big chalet for my birthday.. ZZZZ

now, it's so small and dark...

ahhh...

i need to stop!!!

im like fighting among myself..
a bad and a good me..

ok ok..
i should be a good girl..

don blame anyone..

now, the real fact is, ive got that (pathetic, oops) chalet, i need to be happy and excited and start thinking of the decoration, catering, cakes etc... and not whining over split milk..

no more complain..

or maybe..

one last time bah..

IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!!!

WHY?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

ALL your FAULT!!!

hmph.. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhh..

feel so much better now..

ok.. back to reality SOON..
hard to promise i wont grumble, when i saw others have big and grant birthday celebration..
*SCREAM!!*

planning for 21st birthday is so hard.. especially when im inviting so many ppl.. =(

mummy said sth very smart that angers me, "don invite relatives lah"

Zzzzzzzzz

the whole purpose of celebration is family to me..
cause i only celebrate with them when i'm 1, 21, 50 blah blah blah..
so its really a rare chance to see that EVERYONE gathers for me..
while friends, we celebrate birthday together every year..
so u see, during 21st, i really prior my family to friends..

but.. Zzzzzzz

i cant get a chalet!
i cant plan alot of things..

alot of ppl have given me advices, blah blah blahs..
but all i want is someone who can advices and decides for me..
i cant decide..
i find it hard cause there are too many areas to look into..

and now, because of one factor, which im very flared up with, my chalet cant be booked anymore.. hais... initially i wanted to book on the 1st feb at 12am sharp.. but because of that factor, i delayed till 11pm plus and tada, chalet is all occupied.. Zzzz... very sian.. really.. cause ive been like waiting for months for the chalet and now its no longer available..

haisss to the max..

broke down in my room.. im at a loss..

then, everyone starts to gather around me, for the first time, to plan my birthday..
tons of suggestion again..
but i just listen..
dont they think its abit late to concern for me?

hais..

im waiting for the reply of the other chalet's application..
at bukit batok..
i scare alot of my guests find there not accessible, but
pardon me..
im at my loss end..

if bb there is ok, at least i'll have a place for everyone at the comfort of home-like style..
if not, other plan like going to the restuarants, ktv etc will comes into place and gosh.. i can imagine it will be damn messy to handle..

i don noe whether my birth date is a good or bad one.. it falls on the school holiday every year.. and when march only have one week of holiday, i'm in..
every where is packed, super-peak they say.. Zzzzz

i should have just book pool terrance i guess, since daddy just said he wont look at the bill of next month.. but, haiss again.. it's all too late...

he should has said it earlier.. and not until everywhere is full..

im so .. hais..

i wish for doraemon..
i wish i could just walk out of its door and travel to another world
where everyone is smiling and care-free..
no worries, no fake relationship, no acting..
just me and my loved ones..
sitting by the side of the river,
chatting happily, watching the sky and cherishing each other..
we'll sleep together on the greeny grass, with all the stars above for companion..
then the next morning, we'll wash up together at the serene river, thankful for another day like this..
ah.. how nice if it could be true.. not like now.. =(


this is the song im listening now..
these lyrics really sings out my heartfelt feeling..

其實我也不知道　其實我也很苦惱
其實我很害怕你想要的我都做不到

其實我也不知道　其實我也很煎熬
其實我也想過放棄一切什麼都不要

我的苦笑　是否你能明瞭
讓人只想逃跑

Labels: hais